Senior Relocation Blog

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The First Time I Moved My Mom

I remember so clearly the day I moved my mom and also the days and weeks leading up to this move. Twice! I would say the first move was harder until the moment I think about the second move and then I question, which one was harder? It is a memory that will last me a lifetime.

My mom had a hard life but thankfully, because she was a Christian, she always looked to God during her struggles and He sustained her. Thinking back, I know that her life, hard as it was, brought her much joy. She worked hard, cared deeply for each of her children, tended her garden of sweet peas, gardenias, camellias and roses and every year when I was young, she would sew me the most intricate Halloween costume. I was always so proud to wear my unique and special costume to the school parade. Mom delighted in baking and shared that talent every Christmas by baking a dozen different kinds of special cookies and gave them to all her friends to enjoy. Mom loved writing and I have learned much about her from the poetry that was discovered when she died ~ years of poetry that told a story of a life that was fraught with sorrows but also great joys and even some whimsical and playful moments were scattered throughout her life. Whimsical and playful was more how I had remembered my dad. It was nice to see this wonderful playfulness in my mom. My mom was a strong and courageous woman who lived a beautiful life and prided herself in her decision making and she tried hard to control the direction of her life, albeit how much control do any of us really have?

And then, slowly, mom started aging. My dad had died many years earlier and mom had never remarried. She had moved into a smaller apartment in downtown Fullerton and she was managing quite nicely on her own. Until the day I began to notice, along with my sister, that she wasn’t managing so well. It sort of snuck up on all of us, her included. She became more and more forgetful. She didn’t remember if she had taken her medications nor did her bills get paid regularly. She forgot places she was supposed to be. But the realization that mild dementia was setting in occurred the day I opened her oven and an overcooked roast sat in the oven, dried out and old. She had forgotten it was even there, had never eaten it and I wondered how it is that she even remembered to turn the oven off. I knew that day, the time had come for what was called assisted living. This was my solution for a woman who didn’t believe she needed one moment of assistance with living.

As my sister and I planned this part of the journey for my mom, aware that she was resisting, we cajoled, asked for her thoughts and finally, sternly told her we needed her assistance and cooperation. Her assistance and cooperation never came. She resisted packing, became angry at the idea of leaving some things behind and was clearly disappointed and angry with Joann and me.

As in every family, the family dysfunction that existed quietly on many days screamed out and became more pronounced, more extreme, more separating the closer we came to that inevitable moving day. Both my sister and I got angry and, at times, cried, never understanding why the emotion had to run so high. I loved my mom. I just wanted her to be safe and cared for!

And finally the day came! We packed everything we were taking and made the jaunt across town to a very lovely assisted living facility. It was difficult for my mom. She felt abandoned, unloved, her wishes disregarded. Joann and I felt misunderstood and discouraged. I cannot reach deep enough into my heart to share articulately just how heartbreaking this day was for me. Still, I knew it was the “right” thing to do.

A blessing was received shortly after that miserable day. Mom began to settle in, soften. Her smile returned to her face. She even looked forward to visits by Joann or me. She liked the food and brought back snacks to her room. She played bingo and loved her prizes, was proud actually of how many games she won. She felt she was just a little better at bingo than the other residents. She loved the man who came on Sundays and played spiritual hymns on his guitar; all the ones she loved. But the real blessing occurred about two or three weeks into her new life. One day as I visited she looked at me and said, “Susie, moving in here was the best idea I ever had”. And she didn’t crack a smile. She meant it. She had forgotten all the angst, all the difficulty and resistance and she was happy here. I was so happy to agree with her! I was so pleased that she wanted credit for this “best decision”. On that day, I knew we had done the right thing. It was clear that she was slipping and now, there was someone to make sure she was okay every minute of every day.

Labels: assisted living, moving parents, Senior Relocation

Friday, May 27, 2011

Helping an Aging Parent’s Transition to Assisted Living

It’s predicted that within ten years’ time, for the first time in human history, there will be more people over the age of 65 than children under five. Therefore, there’s a greater chance that more people will have to cope with an aging parent who may, at some stage, need some form of assisted care. It’s a subject that many people, understandably, find difficult to discuss with their parents, not least of all because when the subject is broached, the proposal can sometimes be rejected by a parent who refuses to accept that he or she is no longer able to live independently.

When considering assisted living for your parent, it’s important to be sure that he needs it. While you may be concerned for his safety and well-being, it’s important that you don’t place your desires over and above his own. For example, if you are no longer able to visit as often as you once did, don’t jump to the conclusion that your parent won’t be able to cope on his own. First assess what he can and can’t do for himself. If you believe that he can no longer safely care for himself, for example, he can’t bathe or dress himself adequately, or shop for and prepare food, then it’s probably time to discuss with him the subject of his moving into an assisted living facility.

Assisted living is typically an apartment style community that provides housing, meals, and personal care to those who are unable to live independently. But while you may feel that this type of care is appropriate for your parent, it’s understandable that she may have reservations about it. Your parent may be concerned that she will be placed in an institutionalized setting with little opportunity to organize and structure her day in the way she wants to. These are valid concerns that you will need to address in order to reassure your parent that assisted living won’t rob her of her independence, or involve her being shut away from other people. Some assisted living communities provide various levels of support, so your parent could at first be accommodated in a setting that’s as close to independent living as possible, while still receiving the care she needs, and then moved to a more supportive environment as her needs increase.

Some assisted living providers offer short-term programs to enable people to see whether the community is suitable for them. If you find a suitable assisted living facility that offers such programs, your parent may be willing to undergo a short-stay program to see how it suits her. If she feels that she has some say in the choice of facility, then your parent may be more receptive to the idea of moving.

Your parent may also find the transition to assisted living a little easier if you’re able to choose somewhere that’s familiar to him. However, it’s more important that you’re satisfied the staff and residents of any facility are trustworthy than that its location is close to familiar surroundings.

When discussing the issue of assisted living with your parent, try not to place any pressure on her. Don’t use statements such as, “You have to do this…. .” Let her know that while you can’t tell her how to live her life, you’re concerned for her health and well-being and want to provide the best care for her.

Once your parent is settled in his assisted living facility, try to banish any feelings of guilt you may have at having had to place him there. Remember that you’ve done what’s best for your parent, which is what’s most important. Also remember that assisted living can greatly improve the quality of a person’s life from a medical as well as a social perspective, and that there’s every chance your parent will thrive in his new community.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Deciding on the Senior Community Right for You

At Tailored Transitions we are with you every step of the way during your senior relocation from packing up your home to moving you into your new place. However, the decision of where you to choose to live is yours. Trying to decide what type of environment is an ideal living situation for you is not an easy one. One of our business goals is to make this entire process easier for you which is why we have provided a few key details to consider when choosing your next residence.

How independent are you?
-    Independent senior communities are gated communities made up of small homes or apartments that have certain regulations, such as age. These communities are for retired seniors who are still very active and may even still drive. Usually the major benefit from moving into one of these neighborhoods is moving into a smaller home all on one floor to avoid hazards like stairs and eliminating the responsibility of outside chores. Independent senior communities typically provide lawn care in their monthly fees.

Do you need assistance with daily activities?

-    One of the reasons you may be looking to relocate may be because everyday chores have become too difficult. If you are in need of assistance with small chores and meal preparation you may want to consider a senior assisted living community. Unlike, independent senior housing these assisted communities aid their residents with chores, provide three meals a day, and have a round the clock staff who also help with medications. Residents living in these communities usually have their own small apartments and have the option to participate in planned social events.

What level of medical care do you require?
-    Seniors who have strict medical needs and need their medication monitored should move into a facility where they care provide a high level of round the clock are. Nursing homes typically have a medical staff available 24 hours a day. Meals are provided as well as structured activities. Typically these facilities are best suited for seniors who suffer from extreme limited mobility or Alzheimer's.

Labels: Senior Relocation

Monday, April 11, 2011

Make Downsizing Easy and Call Tailored Transitions!

If you are a senior citizen who is finding it more and more difficult to complete everyday house work and repairs, you might want to consider downsizing to a smaller home. Downsizing and relocation to an active senior community is a smart way to create a safer and less strenuous living environment.

At Tailored Transition we can help, by assisting you in your entire senior relocation process whether you are relocating to a retirement community or to a relative’s home, we are here to help. Through our 3-step process we can help you create a move that is stress free, easily navigated and respectful of your wants, needs and time frame.

STEP ONE:
Your Tailored Transitions Specialist will listen to what you want in your next home. You will then be provided with information on the options that are available to you (assisted living, in-home care, independent living, memory/Alzheimers care, nursing homes, etc.) and the communities that best fit your needs. Your Tailored Transitions Specialist will accompany you to appointments, help you fill out paperwork and guide you through the entire process…all FREE of charge as we are paid by the communities for our service!!!

STEP TWO:
Once you have decided where to move your Tailored Transitions Specialist will assist you in putting together a plan of action to get moved from your old home to your new home. This plan includes:
1.    Determining what items you want/need to take with you to your new home.
2.    Determining who will receive the remaining items and arrange for distribution of these items.
3.    Determine a moving date, pack your home, move items to your new home and communicate with the community you have chosen.
4.    Unpack and set up your new residence

STEP THREE:
1.    Clean and prepare your home for rent or sale.
2.    List your home for rent or sale.
3.    Place appropriate signage, advertisements and set up your home for viewing.
4.    Weekly updates on the status of your home until it has been either rented or sold.

At Tailored Transitions our mission is to provide you with a service that takes care of everything from beginning to end. We are a “one stop shop” and will assist you every step of the way!!!!!